What Do You See in the Mirror…

What Do you See In the Mirror

A couple of years ago I asked God that open-ended question: “What am I here for? What is My Purpose?” because I was lost. I still felt so unworthy, lacked self-confidence and really didn’t like myself all that much.

Well God began to reveal to me my purpose because I was finally ready to receive it… so I thought! He told me to start an outfit blog. I was like, “Really God? Are you Crazy” I hate to be in front of the camera because I still saw a broken, ugly 253 pound woman staring through the lens, even after I had lost all the weight 6 years before. Even as a little girl I felt ugly and being a tomboy too didn’t help, I tried to fake myself out to feel pretty by getting dressed up, and even when I was at my heaviest I got out of bed every day and dressed up because even if it was for a brief second I felt pretty.

So I continued to fight back and forth with God, “You really want me to do this… why would anyone want to see me? I am not worth anything, I don’t have anything to offer, I am not pretty.” He was persistent and I decided to give in because I wanted so desperately to find out who I was created to be.

For the last 2 1/2 years I have produced my daily outfit blog here. It has been the most awkward, uncomfortable, embarrassing thing I have ever done. I kept telling myself, “You are crazy!!!!” But I knew somewhere deep in my soul that I had to just do it. Then, as I prayed for Him to slowly reveal to me why he had purposed me for this… the first and most major revelation was revealed to me about 8 months ago. He brought to the surface the one comment that I had hidden away for so long and that changed my life, the one that left me feeling, so unworthy of being loved and even mattering… “you know that your mom wanted to have an abortion (with you)”.  It hit me like a ton of bricks and I spent most of the day in tears curled up in my bed. That realization put me into a depression that I had to struggle and fight my way out of, but because of His grace I was able to overcome the struggle!

With that revelation a new journey began! I started to journal my thoughts and feelings, read the Bible where ever it opened to so that I could learn what He had in store for me.  As I wrote in my journal and prayed more, sitting still to listen to what he was trying to tell me, I realized all He was revealing to me was so that I could begin to heal, and begin to transform that broken image I saw in the mirror. I started to see that everything I had been telling myself since I was a little girl was a lie.  I continued to read His word more and to write… then one day I found myself writing the question “why me”, well He showed me “why me” the very next day as my Bible opened to Psalm 139:13-16…

13 “For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.”

As I read this it all became clear… I was not aborted for a reason, because I was wonderfully and beautifully created, that He created me just for this. All the pain, the challenges, the failures, had all led up to the moment for the first time I saw myself, my true, authentic, real self through the eyes of God.  I saw that I was beautiful, worthy of love, worthy of feeling like I mattered and worthy to impact the lives of other women who have had these same feelings.

I found that as I am mending the broken pieces of my self-image, God is showing me that His perfect mirror is reflecting that my beauty and worthiness comes from Him. I am not going to tell you by any means that I see it every day or that it is easy, because it’s not. I fall back into thinking those same negative thoughts, but now I catch myself more often and am able to decide to see God’s image of me.  As I continue to grow in Him, journal, read, and empower Him to work through me, I believe that every day that decision will get easier and easier.

I have taken Jeremiah 29:11-13 to heart and accepted His promise to me!

11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.   13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.  14 I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity…”

I have shared all this with you because He has given me this story and these experiences to inspire and encourage women, that they too can begin to transform the broken image they see in the mirror with that of our loving and generous God’s vision of us through His perfect mirror, because we know that He created us for so much more than our brokenness.  I am so thankful that I listened to His voice 2 1/2 years ago, although I really had no idea why, I do now! I know that you too can find your healing in Him! You were created to be MORE beautiful and worthy than you have given yourself permission to believe! It’s time to Shatter the Mirror… leaving all those negative thoughts and feeling you have about your self-image behind and transform it to God’s perfect mirror and His beautiful image of you!!

15 thoughts on “What Do You See in the Mirror…

  1. LilBit says:

    I’m so glad you shared this! I think you’re doing an amazing job!!

    1. Wow Janelle, thank you for taking the time to read it! I appreciate and am humbled by your compliment! 🙂

  2. Cathy Roth says:

    My sweet Manda thank you so much for sharing this today I needed to hear this, now. It is amazing how God’s knows our heart and all we do is go to Him and listen and obey. I wish my mom could see you now. She loved you as a daughter and care very much about you. She would have been to see grown up. much love to you

  3. As I always say you can be pitiful or you can be powerful. I am glad you are choosing to be powerful with this and sharing your story. He is an awesome God we get to serve. As Rick Warren puts it in Purpose driven life…we have but one purpose and that is to be good disciples for God and share with the world what He has done for us and it starts with the cross. Don’t let your light hide under that bush girl …shine on!

  4. Andy Castro says:

    I followed thislink from fb and glad I did.
    It’s a story of a modern day Abraham. God called you to unfamiliar territory and you obeyed.
    Now you will help heal the broken hearted.
    Great job and keep going.

  5. maggie says:

    Thank you for sharing your story, I have been blessed by it. I deal with a great deal of illness, most of the time I’m house bound in bed due to severe back and neck pain, often I find myself in my pj’s , Im an artist and soapmaker so most of the time no one sees me since I create from home. My pain often times can make me discouraged does it really matter how I look? why should I dress up I ask myself sometimes, especially when pain kicks into high gear I could care less on how I look. But I follow you on face look and always look forward to seeing your new outfits, you have encouraged me to dress up a little at home and put a little lipgloss which picks up my mood and helps me get through the days when pain is too much. I have been encouraged by your post on facebook to look into my closet and rethink my wardrobe. Thank you so much for sharing your story.

  6. Cathy Roth says:

    Manda, this is what I wanted to say. My mom, your aunt, would have been so proud of you and to see how you have grown into amazing woman.

  7. Kathy Selman says:

    All I see is a very pretty woman who is compassionate, kind and sensitive to the feelings of others. Your willingness to be transparent is just wonderful Manda! Thank you so much for sharing your story. I know it will be an encouragement to many, as is has been for me!

  8. gena says:

    I love you girl! !!!
    God is our restorer and true reflection!!♡♡♡

  9. pamelarose says:

    Manda. thanks so much for sharing your story. I always enjoy hearing about another soul sharing an amazingly, wonderful experience with our lord. Jason’s grandmother King surely is pleased to watch your growth

  10. Dawn Wilson says:

    You are speaking so much truth here, Manda. God did create you with purpose, and He is unfolding His plans for you as you surrender and obey each day. May God continue to help you make choices to glorify and enjoy Him and encourage others.

  11. Precious Manda! I would never have imagined the story you shared and the painful secret you’ve carried. You are beautiful, inside and out. I’m so excited to watch how God will use you! Hugs and blessings!

  12. Manda thank you for sharing your story. From the first time I saw you on FB I thought” she looks soo nice in her purpose. Absolutely awsome article. Much needed! You are such a beautiful spirit!:) He has made you royalty:) May the Lord continue to richly bless you!!:)

  13. Beth Moseley says:

    Manda since the first time I met you and we shared a little of our stories I have been so inspired by you and your courage. It is courage to be obedient to God’s calling even when it doesn’t feel like it. I love you and am so thankful for you sharing your story!

  14. Brooke Paul says:

    YOU are truly gorgeous Manda. I love this entry for so many reasons, thank you.

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